TOL #5 50,000 Words, But Who's Counting?

Thank you to Amanda for hosting her weekly Thursdays Are For Thinking Out Loud linkup! Week five -- I can't believe I've been writing this column for over a month! -- of linking to her blog will all over the place: I’ve been thinking, thinking, thinking. 

Somebody better feed my monkey mind a banana, already! Here’s what’s been on my mind:

Coffee. I recently gave up coffee (sacrilege, right??). Until the last several years, I never drank coffee regularly. I have always liked the flavor of coffee but never really had the habit. In the last three years, I’ve relied on caffeine to get through the day because I’m wiped out so much of the time. I’m not really sure what to attribute the exhaustion to: iron absorption and/or thyroid issues, peri-menopause, not enough Z’s, etc. Honestly, it’s anyone’s guess. 

When we were in Kauai over the summer, I was snobby about the coffee (also sacrilege..who doesn't like Kona coffee??) at the timeshare we were staying at, so I didn’t drink any the week we were there. I kept getting headaches that ibuprofen couldn't touch, until I realized it was caffeine withdrawal. When we came home, I started back up with my coffee habit. I don’t really know why it took me so long to see it, but there is a direct correlation between my caffeine consumption and my anxiety level; the more caffeine I have, the more anxious I am. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Aside from an occasional soda, I have stopped drinking caffeine entirely. I feel so much better!

Prisma. This app is AMAZING. I feel like I’ve shared this before, but I’ll go into a little more depth here: I decided to make edits of the photos I took during our trip to Kauai, and mount them on note cards to sell. Although I’m hardly a professional photographer (I don’t even own a real camera), I like to think that I have an eye for composition. Plus, phones take such incredible pictures nowadays. I’m really excited about my new business venture! Here’s a sample edit from a photograph I took at the Kilauea National Wildlife Refuge:

I love this edit! It gives me the feels.

I have a dozen different photographs (and magnets) with a variety of edits for each. I am going to sell them at a few craft boutiques next month to raise money for an upcoming adventure. [...which is a segue into next item...]

Japan. This will be it's own blog post, but yes. I am going to Japan in 2018! The working plan is to run an event there, but I'll have to see how realistic that is. Mostly, it's to celebrate a milestone birthday and to see MONKEYS (with my best friend, obviously).

Photo credit: scoutski.com

NaNoWriMo. I have to be insane, but I'm considering doing this again. For those of you unfamiliar with the acronym (although it's not really an acronym since there is the second...and even a third...letter included), it stands for National Novel Writer's Month.

50,000 words in 30 days. ::wipes brow::
My submissions from 2012 & 2013

After participating in 2012 and 2013, it's taken me three years to even consider wanting to do it again. With a goal of 50,000 words in thirty days, it is one of the gnarliest things I have done as a writer. However, there are some phenomenal resources that come with participating, and it was a great way to gain novel writing experience. The jury is still out as to whether I have the stamina for this endeavor, but the badges on my blog from three and four years ago are looking sad and outdated.

Veteran's Day Half Marathon. This event is fast approaching and although I'm woefully undertrained -- the wicked switchback at mile 11 can SUCK IT -- I am really looking forward to it. One of my longest and dearest friends (who I ran Bay to Breakers with) is running the half marathon with me. I'm so excited to see her! Running the race together is just half the fun; we're going to see Temple of the Dog at the Forum the following day. Yesssssssss!  

And that's a wrap. 

Edited to add: I wrote this on Wednesday and thought I had set it to publish yesterday. Whoops! 

Any big trips planned for you in the next year (vacation, business, other)? I'd love to hear about it!

Weekend Snapshots and the Warty Pumpkin

This was one of those weekends that I know I'm going to relish in the upcoming months. Fall typically hits our family at fever pitch with activities, marching band competitions for my son, and accelerates right into Thanksgiving and Christmas. I didn't have a single thing on my calendar through the weekend and into Monday. Heaven! 

I went to Costco on Friday. I try and avoid going on Saturday or Sunday if I can. Sometimes that's unavoidable, but I was able to swing in quickly and do some of our bulk shopping. Of course, all their Christmas lights and candy and gifts are out in full swing. There was even a completely decorated Christmas tree. 😒

But! I did see this:

Wouldn't these three be wonderful to cuddle
on Christmas morning. Maybe not...

Obviously, I immediately texted my best friend and asked her if it was bad that I totally wanted to buy large Star Wars action figure dolls for myself. She gave me permission to buy them…but I didn't. #starwarsnerd

My BFF and I did end up having a text exchange which led to a phone conversation about supporting each other through making healthier food choices. It was just what I needed. It feels so good to not be struggling alone! My poor eating habits feel like my dirty little secret. Today is day three of no sugar. I spent most of Saturday working on meal prep for the week. It makes a huge difference when I have healthy food on hand to reach for instead of losing my mind over a package of cookies. There is an expression that we use in 12-Step meetings which applies to this situation perfectly, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough." There have been times that I have wanted to reach for sweets...but if there are only two or three cookies, I won't even bother. It's not enough. Crazy talk, right??

Here are some mini breakfast (or lunch if I'm so inclined) quiches made from yellow squash zoodles, eggs, and leftover chicken sausage. I baked them in the oven and sprinkled a scant amount of cheese just a few minutes before I pulled them out:

Anything in a cupcake liner = winning

I have a huge sweet tooth. One of the keys to setting myself up for success is having a dessert that I can enjoy. If I feel for a second like I am being deprived, then it's all over. Staying on top of my blood sugar and ahead of my cravings is one of the things that has worked the best in establishing healthy eating habits. I have a recipe for almond bread that is typically made in a loaf pan, but I prefer them in muffin cups. I modified the recipe by adding a date rolled in unsweetened coconut. My teenagers like to call this recipe my 'prison bread'. We have clearly watched too much OITNB. 

These satisfy a sweet tooth. Also, see caption above.

It's hard to tell from this photo -- or maybe it's not -- that the planters in our front yard are old drumheads. My husband dug up our lawn several months ago and created a drought-resistant garden out of old up-cycled drum kits. The garden has really starting to filling out as the plants have begun maturing, and our yard has become a mecca for pollinators: bees, butterflies, hummingbirds, including evening marauders (what did that funny meme with the crazy names for animals call raccoons...trash pandas??) . It is the most unique garden I have ever seen, and we're thrilled with the results! Three cheers for Mr. Doll 🌱

Drums and plumeria

Halloween is probably my favorite holiday. It's not that I go for super scary stuff -- or maybe I do, just a little -- but I love decorating the house and the change of season into cooler weather. Sadly, we will be out of town on Halloween and I won't get to pass out candy. I decided it was pointless to decorate the yard for all those trick-or-treaters we won't be passing candy out to...so I picked out this warty gourd as my consolation prize for missing All Hallows' eve.

My pumpkin has a STD

The last picture is obviously one I didn't take, but a failed gif of Maya Rudolph that I tried to insert into my last blog post. I'm including it in my Weekend Snapshots post because she is that awesome.

Hi Maya!

Thank you to Erin at Her Heartland Soul for hosting a link up. Do you carve pumpkins? When was the last time you visited a pumpkin patch?

TOL #2 Glamorous Life of Running

Hosted by Amanda at Running With Spoons, Thinking Out Loud is a weekly celebration of quirks and randomness! An opportunity to take the pressure and stress out of writing by sharing whatever it is that happens to pop into your mind when you begin to type. A collection of random and disjoined thoughts, just because. Here's mine:

 Dude. Just to get things rolling...and so you know who you're dealing with and where I'm coming from, there is nothing truer than this:

The first comment cracks me up?!

Unglamorous. Running is the farthest thing from being glamorous, despite the contrary title of my post. One of the reasons I like running is because there is no expensive gym membership or skill set required to become a runner.  

This week I tried getting out for a run with 'just the essentials'. I'm sure this list varies from runner to runner, but mine were: running shorts, sports bra, shirt, compression calf sleeves, anklet socks and shoes. Seems basic enough, right? That's what I thought until my monkey mind started in:

'You better bring some Glide...don't want to chafe...'

'It's 80 degrees and you're already dehydrated. You should grab some coconut water.'

'The dogs need to get out. You should bring them, too. And their leashes, water and bowl...some poop bags...'

I swear that I go through these mental gymnastics over any decision I make, but particularly moreso with running. I feel like if I'm better prepared for any possible scenario, then I'm that much more likely to have an optimum experience. Going for a run with 'just the essentials' was an exercise (if you'll excuse the pun) in letting some of that go. I didn't even bring my phone, which is a huge win in that regard. Since I had errands afterward and the heat was a factor, I left the dogs at home and settled for two out of the three. 

By the end of my run, I was a sweaty mess. I had disgusting gooey strings of saliva on my lips (seriously, what gives with that??), dirt and sunscreen in the creases of my inner arm, and despite the liberal application of Glide, I chafed anyway. ALL THE GLAMOUR. 

All that glamour. All of it.

Food finds. I do most of my shopping at Trader Joe's. Their produce isn't that great, so I usually pick up fresh fruits and veggies during the week. Last week I discovered their dried orange slices. Dude! They have a boatload of sugar, but I don't even care because they taste like my childhood. [I legit went to grade school with a girl named Krishna. Her mom was a beautiful hippy, and she made us candied orange peels almost every time I came over to their tiny house trailer.]    

Look at those shimmery crystals of sugar.
I'm in nostalgia nirvana.

My second find was their sweet pickled jalapenos. The peppers are brined in a sugar and vinegar solution, and I seriously can't get enough of them. TJs has a reputation for suddenly discontinuing items without notice, so I may or may not have bought three jars the last time I was at the store, like some sort of crazy jalapeno hoarder. They're incredible on sandwiches and they were prominently featured last night in a layered taco salad. I'm going to try them on pizza next.

Hello beautiful! The sweetness masks some of the heat
creating a match made in culinary heaven.

Yes please. 

I'll end my post with a small tangent: the BlogGo app totally blows. I typed this post yesterday on my phone through the app, and it lost two-thirds of what I wrote. This is where I'd insert both the streaming tears and angry face emoji...but since I'm not on my phone, I'm severely limited to a colon and parenthesis :(

Do you like spicy food? What are some new food finds you're stoked about?

TOL #1 Snapchat vs Instagram

In an effort to write more frequently, I came across this prompt from blogger Amanda at Running With Spoons. The concept of getting thoughts down isn't a new one but, after reading her post, the notion resonated with me. 

For my first go, it's hardly deep and has already been hashed out to death...but it's been on my mind:

Snapchat. 

I had an account several years ago when it was a newish app, but I felt scummy about it; I read an article that the original intent of the platform was to send nude and lewd photos that supposedly 'disappeared' after the recipient opened them. I was disturbed by this since once a photo is out on the Internet, it's there forever. More recently, I heard a story on NPR about how young girls are bombarded with requests for 'noodz' from male classmates. As a parent of a teenage daughter, this is enormously disturbing. 

While I'm sure a fair amount of that still takes place among consenting adults, it has evolve. It's a medium where I can have a quick interaction with my kids or catch a glimpse of a day in the life of musicians, actors or my fellow social media acquaintances. I freaking love Snapchat. 

It's become my favorite social media platform because it's all the fun with none of the drama (I'm looking at you, Facebook). And the other social media sites (who will remain nameless but the first letter starts with Instagram) keep updating their app to the point where it's killed the fun. 

I feel a rant coming on...

WTH, Instagram?? First, the site is ruined by a ridiculous algorithm: instead if chronological posts, accounts appear in your feed based on what it 'thinks' you want to see. If that wasn't bad enough, IG created a Snapchat-style 'story' within the platform. Unless it has to do with animals or someone whose content I'm very interested in seeing, it's pretty ridiculous...especially when it comes to oversharers. Anything beyond 5 stories within one account is excessive and I'm skipping past it entirely. The final straw was changing to a GINORMOUS FONT with ads that 'stick' and don't let you easily scroll past. #lamesauce

Besides, who can compete with those filters and stickers? 

What is your favorite social media platform? If you like Instagram, what do you think of the changes?

Roundup of Random

Thursdays are my Fridays, which means that today is the start of my weekend. On alternate Fridays, I serve lunch at the high school. Yeah, I still help out at my kids' schools, but they tell me they don't mind...and it makes me feel good to volunteer. The teachers and staff are hugely appreciative. 

However, today is my alternate alternate Friday -- and somehow I have no appointments on my calendar. Don't get me wrong, I have TONS of stuff to do after the hustle of Teen Star (recap to come) and house guests.  And, of course, there is always the FASFA deadline looming in a few days. 

In an effort to post more frequently, I decided to write a feature of random stuff from my week. Look for it each Friday, mmmk? It seems fitting to start off my new column with this:

I bought a frog. It just doesn't get more random than that.

Dude isn't down for being handled too much, so I'll share a photo of what their legs look like (photo credit littlefishcompany.com):

Red-legged Frog

One of the most unusual things about this guy (or gal) is that the pupils are vertical. I suppose 'unusual' isn't the right word, it's more like 'classic'; like the eye of any drawing you would see of a reptile. I don't know why that struck me as surprising...but there you go. 

I didn't know their pupils dilated. It was a little unnerving the first time I saw it, even though it makes perfect sense since frogs are nocturnal and shit. Of course, all I could think of was this:

Death by cute: this slays me every time. It is also one
of the best things Antonio Banderas has ever done IMHO

What is unusual is their croak. Mr. Frog sounded off one night and we were all instantly on our feet trying to determine what was making that high-pitched sound. It was shrill and not unlike scratching on glass. What the hell?! Since when did frogs stop going, 'Ribbit! Ribbit!'?? 

******************

My second bit of random was that I did my first-ever meal prep, tiny as it was. I follow many fitness-minded folks like myself on Instagram, and several of them have shared photos of a week's worth of food which are often assembled in a collage with Benjamin Franklin's quote, 'If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.' 

All of that makes me stabby, even if it's true. While I was preparing dry ingredients to make Rebecca's Wild Strawberry Pancakes, I realized it would be easy enough to just keep scooping - so I did! I made three more batches until I ran out of buckwheat flour. All I need to do is add wet ingredients to make yummy pancakes. I'm planning on bringing a few batches with us on vacation, if they're not confiscated as contraband:

Strawberry pancakes? YES.

Somehow my pancakes don't quite look like Rebecca's pancakes: her pancakes are pretty, pink-hued and fluffy. Mine? Not even close. When I cooked them in the pan -- even with TONS of coconut oil, they stuck terribly -- my pancakes may or may not resemble the photo of a certain frog I just posted:

Things were going along fine until shortly after
this photo was taken., and then the wheels fell off.

The finished product wasn't pretty...but I had no problem huffing them down. Here's a my version of Rebecca's recpipe: 

My pancakes: Not the ideal food
photograph...but still hella delicious.

And just for the sake of comparison, here are Rebecca's pancakes:

Rebecca's Wild Strawberry Pancakes with
strawberry protein 'frosting'. (Photo
credit strengthandsunshine.com)

My first few attempts at this recipe have looked nothing like the above photograph...but I am equal to the task. My plan of attack next time is 1) less heat, 2) use canola spray before adding coconut oil, and 3) not to care as much.

Have you tried recipes from the internet before? If so, how did it come out? Also, I am open to name suggestions for Mr. Frog. 

Have a great weekend!

Theme

Recently my girl Ange wrote about picking an intention for the new year, and honing it down to one word. I have seen a few others also chose a single word on Instagram over the last week in an effort to be a better person in the new year. 

I'm sure this phenomenon is hardly unique to 2015, but it is a new concept to me. What can I say? I'm slow on the uptake. Usually, I take a reverse approach and evaluate my year as the old year comes to a close - noting if there is a particular theme to my life that year. Past themes have been fitness, family, relationships and yes, even depression/anxiety.  

I like the idea of looking forward with an intention. So, right there in front of the Interwebs, I staked my claim on Angela's blog: mindful. Hmmmm. That's not quite enough fanfare. Let's try this: 

mindful

That is much better, yes? It is a great concept, and something I've given a lot of thought. I want to be mindful in my relationships with my husband, family and friends, and how my actions and words affect others. 

Technology is a big part of our lives, and our family spends a majority of our free time on our phones, gaming, or watching television - frequently a combination of several at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I am one of the biggest offenders; I love my iPhone. I will go as far as to say that I think Instagram is one of the best things since sliced bread. In fact, Instagram is so excellent that it is superior to Facebook in every way, and nothing anyone can say will change my mind. 

But back to the topic of being mindful: I want to spend more time unplugged and living life. I want to set a good example for my kids. The time I don't spend with my face in my phone could be spent a thousand different ways: walking my dogs, exercising, cleaning my house, enjoying live music with my honey...ad infinitum. 

And being mindful isn't just about spending less time on Instagram. It's about thinking kind thoughts towards others and myself, and living a life of integrity. These are easy words to throw around and my hope is that none of this comes off as trite. 

I'm excited for 2015. It will be a big year of transition for my family as my daughter finishes her last year of high school and begins college - which is a whole other topic of it's own. All the best to you and yours this year!

Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!

My Silpada Designs giveaway closed on Friday, Sept 19. It's time to announce the winner!!

And the beautiful rugged pearls bracelet goes to...

 

...Rebecca P. of Washington, DC. 

Congratulations, Rebecca!! ::applause::

I wanted to thank everyone who entered my giveaway. For my first go at a raffle, I think it went swimmingly. I am working hard at gaining more followers on my social media sites and, obviously, more traffic to my blog. What I didn't anticipate was that it would work both ways: I discovered some amazing blogs and Instagram accounts. Two of my new favorite blogs are MarathonHarry (a lovely young marathoner living in the UK) and From Ice Cream to Marathon (hosted by an gracious woman named Katie, who hails from Kentucky and was super nice when I asked her about her gorgeously formatted header. That sounds like it's code for something suggestive, but I promise it's not). 

I also discovered that I'm not very good at promoting myself. There is definitely an etiquette to social media, but I am convinced that most people have a greater understanding of different platforms while I'm bumbling along, offending people as I go. For example, I didn't want to post too many pictures to promote my giveaway on Instagram. My own son 'unfollowed' me for posting more than one photo in a day. I suppose the rules for adults and teenagers are somewhat different, though. There are many accounts that I follow that post more than once a day. Unless it's incredibly excessive or one of those fake accounts that is a front for those wretched body wraps, I am happy to see their photos. Thankfully, my son followed me back.

I want to give a special shout-out to Kelly at Silpada Designs. She was really excited when I approached her about donating a piece of jewelry for my raffle, and was such a pleasure to work with. Kelly was very encouraging and super fun to chat with while we worked out the details of the giveaway. Success!

All You Need To Know

Months ago, I asked a friend if I could do a feature of her blog, All You Need To Know. If you are a regular reader of my own blog, you will recognize her right away: Cristy is one of the few readers who regularly comments on my posts.

I'm an easy person to know, and it's pretty rare that I don't like someone. However, it's not often that someone will surprise or impress me. Cristy is one of those people. She is an avid volleyball player, a dedicated runner and always game for new ideas to keep her workouts fresh. 

I know that she's will probably disagree with my choice of adjective in terms of her running, but it's the truth. It's one thing to do something that comes easily, but sticking with something, even if it's difficult, is another matter entirely. This is what real character is about. We have participated in online weight-loss groups and fitness challenges together, and Cristy even has color-coded spreadsheets for her workout routines.

Cristy is an open book. She is comfortable talking about almost everything and no subject is off-limits (pelvic organ prolapse, anyone?). Cristy and her husband Mark have six children, all grown and gone. She is also the 'big dog momma' to a Bernese Mountain Dog named Jake. 

Big Dog Momma as I will always picture
her...with her big dogs, Jake and Ellie.

When I had to put our beloved girl dog to sleep, Cristy was so kind. She admitted to reading my post about Cafe several times over, which touched me greatly. When she had to put her own beautiful dog Ellie down a year later, I grieved for her loss. 

We are friendly on Facebook and I may or may not have also stalked her Picassa account (hello Bandit, Smokey and Tippy!) in the tiniest way, so I know what her cats and kids all look like. My favorite story in her blog is about her daughter Jenna. Although I have read the story several times, I am unable to find a link to it. It is, however, one of the sweetest testimonies about letting go and doing what is best for our children, and being the adult through difficult situations. 

Cristy may claim to be a relatively sane ice princess, but it's clear she has a heart of gold. 

Picture Perfect

For my third installment of featuring bloggers from my blog roll, I'd like to introduce my readers to my friend Emry and her blog, Emry At Home. She writes about homesteading with her husband and her life raising their two young girls, Annalee and Alabama.

But first, can we talk just for a minute about Emry's hair? Seriously. She has the thickest, most gorgeous head of auburn hair that I have ever seen. 

See what I mean? ::swoon::

I stumbled across Emry's blog a few years ago, shortly after she'd been featured on a website called BlogHer which spotlights women writers. I was so impressed by Emry's accomplishment, it inspired to submit an article of my own...but I was so overwhelmed by the sheer number of writers and topics that I haven't gone back to the BlogHer website since. 

Even though we haven't met IRL, Emry has been super sweet about answering my ridiculously embarrassing questions, all of which reveal how little I know about formatting a blog.

Although Emry At Home is not a photography blog, her photos are stunning:

This photo makes me feel wistful without knowing why exactly. 

The aesthetic of canning makes me sigh.
In my post Peachy, I used the term 'historical hard-on' to describe
the appeal of canning, because I'm classy like that.

The beseeching fingers. The cat's expression. Just...LOVE.

As a parent, I have a deep understanding about how two children can be completely different in temperament, despite the fact that they are raised in the same household. This premise is one of the themes that I find so relatable about Emry's blog.

Best. Photo. Ever.

This brilliance is Alabama's handiwork.

My kids are much older than Emry's girls...but there is something so satisfying about knowing that I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THIS SHIT HAPPENS TO. 

Owned It

Welp. I did it:

Done and done!

Boydoll asked me if I was going to have my story made into a book. 'How many words have you written so far?' He was really excited about my accomplishment, and was blown away by the sheer volume of pages that were saved in Google docs.

Aside from my immediate family and a few internet friends, I didn't tell anyone that I was participating in NaNoWriMo this year - well, aside from the fact that it's big as Dallas up on my blog, but still. The truth is that my story isn't very good. It's not that it's poorly written, although as a first draft I am loathe to let anyone see it. It's the subject matter.

What started at first about a teenage girl whose mother is hospitalized for depression - which in itself is hardly uplifting, has turned into a novel about five different accounts of child molestation that take place over three generations. It was a really intense experience, and there were several places where writing about it pretty much sucked.

Some of the writing I am enormously proud of. The pace and phrasing in several places came together really well. I had an eerie, third-person experience while I was reviewing my story on Saturday prior to the deadline: I could actually visualize reading some of the plot development in a real-life book, as if I had not written the words myself. There are parts that are poignant, charming and funny. But there are also parts that are really hard to read and pretty horrific.

In truth, I am still kind of reeling from writing it. I mean, what the hell? In any format I have ever been apart of, if the topic of child molestation comes up, it's as if the air is sucked out of the room. No one wants to read about children getting sexually assaulted. I know I wouldn't purposely seek out such a novel to read in my leisure time. 

I guess it was a story that I needed to tell, even if no one sees it. The irony of that statement is not lost on me: I should be okay telling this story. Writing my novel was enormously cathartic, even if I hardly want to be the poster child for surviving a horrific childhood experience. 

"And that's all I have to say about that." Forrest Gump  

NaNoWriMo 2013

So, yeah. I'm doing it again. 

I talked a big game and pitched NaNoWriMo to my friend, Cristy. 

She was pretty reluctant to sign up, but you know what? All that kvetching...and she's KICKING MY ASS. I'm currently over 4,000 words behind my word total if I expect to complete 50,000 words by November 30. 

Cristy wrote almost 5,000 words THE FIRST DAY. Sweet mother of pearl?!

Back to writing. 

Must. Keep. Writing.

Crushing

I have to admit something, Internet. I have a terrible crush on a blogger. I recently started reading a blog called The T-Rex Runner, and at the risk of sounding like a Creepy Internet Stalker, I'm fairly certain we could be besties. 

No, seriously. (Even though that's exactly what Creepy Internet Stalkers would say.)

Aside from being clever and hella funny, Danielle (aka T-Rex) is a runner. What I adore about her blog and about her running philosophy in general is her humanness: she struggles with injuries, awkwardness, and bad running days. Still better yet, Danielle isn't a vegan. Her blog frequently includes a relevant and kicky GIF, each with their own unique subtitle that makes her  point even that much more awesome. 

The other thing I love? Despite the fact that Danielle is running a marathon in all 50 states, finishing up her master's degree, and (huge respect) in recovery for eating disorders...she responds to nearly every comment left on her blog.  

I have read other running/fitness blogs but instead of feeling inspired, I come away feeling like I suck. And then there is the issue of jargon and that unsettling feeling of being left out of a secret that everyone else seems to know. 

Anyway, I have been chuckling all morning over this post about all the things that might get one hidden from Danielle's Facebook feed. I relate so very much. At least Danielle is forthright in admitting the Facebook Love. I am a coward and frequently have to dramatically announce to my friends that I'm taking a Facebook hiatus or delete the app (gasp!) from my phone so I can't absentmindedly while away the whole fucking morning. 

I don't utilize the hidden-feed feature nearly enough. As a matter of fact, I have only done it to three people of the 400+ people that I'm Facebook friendly with:

1) The egregious political and conspiracy-theory poster. I had no idea when I accepted a friend request from this acquaintance that I would be put off by his outrageous posts. I don't have a problem with people whose politics differ from my own - but I do have a problem with comments with the purpose of pointedly baiting people, only to get into intense and angry debates. No, thank you. I had merrily gone along in my life prior to this. Now when I see this individual, my reaction is a visceral one: Run away as fast as I possibly can. 

2) The relative who discloses too much personal information. I had to hide a relative who posted about her first post-divorce sexual encounter. ::shudder:: HOLY HELL. I so wish I could unsee that.  

3) The frequent checker-inner. You know, that red pointer-thingy that shows where this person was: 


View Larger Map

There she is eating breakfast. Oh, wait. Now she's at the Farmer's Market. And there she is at the pharmacy! I only wish I was exaggerating. Aside from my kids, I don't need a blow-by-blow of anyone else's whereabouts.  

*****

It's early yet, so Danielle hasn't replied to my comment...not that I have looked or anything. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a pretty blog.

Rant-or

Recently, someone asked if I'd ever lost my cool in public. Here is a story of the time I went off on someone:

When I was 18, I used to work at a deli. People could buy cheeses and meats, order a sandwich to go or come over to the small restaurant on the other side of the store. I was the cashier/barista on the restaurant side of the deli.

There was an older woman who was a partial amputee, that used to come into the the restaurant and drink coffee. She loved to make a scene and would dramatically slip off her prosthetic leg and start moaning. Eventually she'd leave, but it made the other patrons incredibly skeeved out. She made everyone so uncomfortable, that the customers and staff didn't know how to respond. No one ever said anything to her.

One day it was raining, and she came in and hadn't sat down for 2 minutes before she started up, getting progressively louder:

Ooooh.

(pause)

Oooooh...uuuuuhnnnnn....

(pause)

OOOOOOOOOOHHAAAAUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!

I approached her and told her that I would do one of two things: call an ambulance if she was in pain, or call her a cab if she was not - but that her theatrics were making the other diners uncomfortable and she needed to leave if she couldn't be quiet. She was so shocked that I'd addressed her directly, that she stopped mid-wail and begged me not to kick her out. She said she wasn't in any pain and 'would be good from now on'.

That's when one of my co-workers sharply called my name and said, "Come in here at once!" He hauled me off into the walk-in refrigerator and bawled me out, yelling 'how could you turn an old woman out in the rain?!'

I got right up in his face and told him that she needed to take her crazy somewhere else. If she needed medical treatment, that was one thing - but she enjoyed making a scene and making people uncomfortable. Being older or having a disability doesn't give someone the excuse to be a jerk.

The woman still came in regularly, but she acted like a civilized person after that.

Rant-ee

Recently, someone asked if I'd ever lost my cool in public, or if anyone has ever gone off on me. Here is a story a the time someone went off on me:

I was 19-years old and had been recently hired to work at high-end gift store. It was on the main street of our town and very popular with tourists. My first day there, the owner came in to ask me to clarify some numbers on my application and said my writing wasn't 'clear enough'. After I confirmed the information, he re-wrote it next to my handwriting - except that his writing was completely illegible. It was so ironic, that I busted out laughing and made him a little flustered. I wish I could have held onto that feeling. 

My boss was a tyrant from that point forward. A week after I was hired, he brought me outside and screamed at me on the sidewalk, inches away from my face with spittle flying and everything, while people walked past us. It was exactly like a public shaming:

"YOU'RE DOING A SHITTY JOB!! YOUR SIXES LOOKED LIKE CAPITAL C's! YOU NEEDED TO GET OFF THE CHAIR AND HELP CUSTOMERS - AND DUST, AND CLEAN, AND POLISH, AND MAKE SURE THE MONEY IN THE DRAWER IS ALL! FACING! IN! THE! SAME! DIRECTION!  -- SO YOU DON'T ACCIDENTALLY HAND OUT THE INCORRECT CHANGE! IF I'M NOT SATISFIED WITH YOUR PERFORMANCE OVER THE NEXT WEEK...YOU'RE FIRED!!"

I went back inside, trying not to cry in front of my snotty co-workers. A week later, he came back in and told me that I had really improved and to KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK...except it's hard to receive a compliment when it's screamed at you. He pretty much had only one volume.

I worked there for a year and a half and there were dozens of nights I was alone in the gift store after hours, crying because the cash sheet wouldn't balance and dreading calling him with the final numbers for the night. It never occurred to me to quit.

I read a few days ago that he died, and his obituary described him as 'cantankerous'. Yeah. That's one word for it.

ETA: The one good thing that came of this job: It was the first place I laid eyes on Mr Doll :)

Afterglow

You'd think after writing 50,000+ words in 30 days, I'd have more to say - but I don't. Well...not much, anyway.

Since I didn't have any formal writing experience - or even a thread of a story line, I chose to write about my life for the NaNoWriMo. Although I was shooting for an adolescent-to-adult's journey through recovery, I seemed to favor writing primarily about my childhood. It was a wonderfully hard and cathartic experience.

I am so very proud that I made a goal and worked towards it for 30 days.  It was like a mental marathon, and there were a handful of nights that I wrote until 2am. I almost blew it right at the end, however. The whole month I had a small thought in the back of my mind about how to verify my novel on the NaNoWriMo website, but I was too obsessed with keeping up my daily word count to give it much thought.

Yesterday was the final day of the challenge and I was about 1,200 words and an hour and ten minutes away from the 30 day/50,000 word finish line...when I had nothing else left to say. 

Grasping straws, I began to write about the fierce competitor in me. This  somehow prompted me to begin describing the over-the-top themed birthday parties we've hosted for our children. From that thread of thought, I was off and happily hammering out words...when I suddenly I noticed the time: 11:58pm. My word count was just over 50,000. 

After I entered my final tally of 50,017 onto the dashboard of the NaNoWriMo, I quickly checked to see how my online friends had done. They are all several hours ahead on the East Coast, so the contest was already officially over for them. On my friend IfByYes's profile, instead of a blue banner where her word count had formerly been, was a bright purple banner that read: "Winner!" 

I frantically noticed that although I'd completed the goal of 50,000+ words, my word count remained and my banner stayed blue. All month long, I had simply updated my word total on the dashboard of the site. This was when that nagging thought I'd had all month came to the forefront of my mind: I had 90 seconds to figure out how to verify my actual number count on the website.  Hosted by a bunch of book nerds - you'd think the website would be crazy-streamlined, but it is not very intuitive. 

I clicked on a scroll down menu, and found the motherland: the 'verify novel' button.  A tiny pop-up window appeared in the center of the screen; apparently I was supposed 'just' cut-and-paste an entire 50,000 word document - into a screen the size of a playing card. As I frantically highlighted 81 pages, I noticed the time stamp in the lower right hand corner change from 11:58 to 11:59. With less about 30 seconds to spare, I copied and pasted my novel into their word counter. WINNER! 

To quote Bill Murray's Carl Spackler from Caddyshack, where he has a kid pinned up against a wall, pressing pitchfork tines on his throat: 

"So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."