TOL #6 Weight Loss: It's Not You, It's Me

Things are gonna get real, k? For this edition of Thinking Out Loud, I'm going to be frank about body image and my struggles with being 30 pounds overweight. I know, I know. Stop the presses: a middle-aged woman is going to talk about food and weight loss.

Ridonkulous

There are weekly nutrition and weight loss facts posted at the gym where I work. One fact that I read several years ago has stayed with me since: the average person gains tens pounds with each decade. I was like '10 pounds every 10 years? That's not a big deal." Well. That happens to be the exact trajectory I'm following...and I'm not happy about it one bit.

Jennifer Lawrence is my spirit animal.

When I was a little girl into and into my early 20s, I had a very fast metabolism. I was rail thin and self conscious, and I had to drink protein shakes to maintain my weight. I ate poorly and had no sense of good nutrition or proper portions.

I weighed around 135 pounds when I was 25, and was 'skinnyfat'; I was in terrible shape with poor eating habits. I joined a gym and started really getting into fitness and nutrition, and my weight dropped down to 123 pounds. It was the least I have weighed as an adult, but I was physically in the best shape of my life.

I got pregnant with our daughter a few years later, and then had our son four years after that. By this time, I was in my early 30s and took up running. I fell in love with it, and I was able to lose the baby weight I had gained with my son within about 6 months. I started entering 5k and 10k races, and ran my first half marathon. Shortly afterwards, I began training for a full marathon. I was 36 years old, and I had started working for the Y as a spinning instructor. I picked up three classes, and I was offered a job at second gym. I became certified as a personal trainer and had a dozen clients.

Working in the fitness industry made me aware of my own nutrition. Some bad habits had started creeping in, and I made the decision to give up sugar. It was starting to feel like sugar had been running my life, similar to when I was doing drugs or drinking. Even despite cutting sugar out of my diet and working out 5-6 days a week, I began slowly gaining weight and was experiencing intense fatigue. My doctor ordered a blood panel, and we discovered that I had thyroid issues. Unless I'm eating clean, my weight quickly pops up.

Pretty much on point. 

The funny thing is that I don't feel overweight. In my mind, I look slender. It's like some bizarre reverse form of dysmorphia. Maybe that's just called denial? I'm always unpleasantly surprised at how heavy I look when I see photographs of myself. And I'll tell you, it's a total serving of humble pie to have slowly put on 30 pounds and work as a fitness instructor. Here's the important part, though; it's not worth disparaging myself over. The person who is bothered by my weight gain most is me.

It makes zero sense to compare my fitness journey
to someone else's. 

I've never really done a timeline in this matter and looked at my history with food and my weight before. It's certainly been cathartic. I'm getting back to the basics of what works for me: small frequent meals that include protein, keeping track of my food and drinking lots of water, and avoid watching TV or mindlessly looking at my phone while I'm eating. Thank you to Amanda at Running With Spoons for hosting her weekly linkup. It always gets me motivated and thinking about writing!

What are some of the things that have contributed to your successes in weight loss or maintaining fitness?

TOL #4 Alfred Hitchcock Called. He Wants His Birds Back

Thank you to Amanda at Running With Spoons for hosting Thinking Out Loud Thursday! Here's a sampling of my random ramblings:

1. That's So Raven. I was waiting at a stoplight on Tuesday after dropping my son off at school, and I heard an unnerving tapping sound coming from the roof of my car. I pulled back the panel to look out of my sunroof...and there was a crow walking around the roof of my car! WTH?? It's hardly like we live in a small rural town; this was a major intersection. I had a tiny freakout, and I still have no idea what the crow was doing up there.  

2. Pollywog love. Our favorite pet store specializes in reptiles and amphibians. The staff is friendly and knowledgeable, and this is where I bought Gizmo. I was there last Friday picking up dog food, and they had a giant display of tadpoles for sale. It reminded me of that hilarious scene in the animated movie Flushed Away, where The Toad (brilliantly voiced by Ian McKellan) grosses out his henchmen with jars of hundreds of his tadpole offspring. Still one of my favorite movies to this day...

Evil frog The Toad

Seeing those jars of tadpoles made me nostalgic for the carefree days of summer when my kids were younger and we would hunt for pollywogs in the creeks. After we raised them into frogs, we would return them to the same creek we had found them in.

Well. These were no tiny tree frog pollywogs. 

The huge bullfrog-sized tadpoles were actually baby Pacman frogs. These suckers are BIG. The adult female frog in the pet shop was the size of an enormous flapjack. Although I'm typically not squeamish, the notion of feeding a juvenile rat to a frog is more than I can bear. 

Albino horned frog aka Pac-Man Frog

3. Currently listening to. Walls by Kings of Leon, and Be Your Love by Bishop Briggs. #allthefeels

4. Foodie Finds. I'm obsessed with Halo Top protein ice cream. I heard about it first on Instagram, and finally came across some in limited flavors (lemon cake, birthday cake and chocolate) at a grocery store. I could easily eat a pint of Birthday Cake. I can't wait to try other flavors! 

I'm in love and I don't care
who knows it!

That's all I got this week. Feel free to share your favorite animated movie or leave a comment with a new favorite song you're obsessed with. 

TOL #3 Autocorrect Poetry

Thank you to Amanda at Running With Spoons for hosting her weekly link up. It's been a fun way to discover new blogs and hear what's on the mind of my peers. Thinking Out Loud is a weekly celebration of quirks and randomness. Here's some Thursday random straight my fingers: 

1. Crockpots. Do you use a crockpot? The lid broke to our old one, so I have been using my Dutch oven for the things I ordinarily would have made in the crock pot. This would be fine, except that I'm not a fan for using our oven during the summer when it's already a thousand degrees inside the house. After 4 months without a crock pot, I picked one up on my Costco run last weekend. 

Tuesday night I used our new crock pot and made chili. It was culinary heaven! I was going to share a photo of it here, but pictures of chili (and stews/soups in general) all photograph pretty much the same. Besides, I'm a huge fan of toppings when it comes to chili, so all you can really see is avocado and cilantro. 

2. Auto-correct game. A friend posted this on Facebook yesterday:

Have you tried this?? It sounded like a fun little distraction, and my first attempt read like a little cliffhanger to an obscure story. Here is mine:

I'm not a fan but my daughter and daughter have a lot more than a few days of being able

...being able to what?! 

It reads like an essay prompt, and I wanted to expand it on to discover what happened. Apparently, friends who owned Samsung phones noticed that somehow the software caught on to the game because their 20 auto-correct words were coming out as fully-formed positive affirmations. 

I tried it a second time and the mood of the poem was a bit snarkier:

I'm glad I didn't want you back to my house so you could get me to a new one you

...rapscallion? (Just spitballing. I doubt I've ever called anyone 'rapscallion' in my life.) 

3. Public Speaking. This doesn't happen very often, but occasionally I'm asked to speak about my recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism. Tomorrow night will be such an occasion. I'll be talking in a general way about what my life of addiction was like, the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, and what my life in recovery is like today. 

It's an honor and a privilege to share my story, but I'll be honest: I'm nervous to speak so frankly in front of a room full of 200 people. Although I have been that I seem poised and relaxed when speaking from a podium, I liken it to a swimming duck; it may be floating quietly...but underneath the surface of the water, it's legs are paddling furiously. Wish me luck! 

Comment below with your auto-correct poetry, or any wisdom or helpful tips regarding public speaking.  

Weekend Snapshots and the Warty Pumpkin

This was one of those weekends that I know I'm going to relish in the upcoming months. Fall typically hits our family at fever pitch with activities, marching band competitions for my son, and accelerates right into Thanksgiving and Christmas. I didn't have a single thing on my calendar through the weekend and into Monday. Heaven! 

I went to Costco on Friday. I try and avoid going on Saturday or Sunday if I can. Sometimes that's unavoidable, but I was able to swing in quickly and do some of our bulk shopping. Of course, all their Christmas lights and candy and gifts are out in full swing. There was even a completely decorated Christmas tree. 😒

But! I did see this:

Wouldn't these three be wonderful to cuddle
on Christmas morning. Maybe not...

Obviously, I immediately texted my best friend and asked her if it was bad that I totally wanted to buy large Star Wars action figure dolls for myself. She gave me permission to buy them…but I didn't. #starwarsnerd

My BFF and I did end up having a text exchange which led to a phone conversation about supporting each other through making healthier food choices. It was just what I needed. It feels so good to not be struggling alone! My poor eating habits feel like my dirty little secret. Today is day three of no sugar. I spent most of Saturday working on meal prep for the week. It makes a huge difference when I have healthy food on hand to reach for instead of losing my mind over a package of cookies. There is an expression that we use in 12-Step meetings which applies to this situation perfectly, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough." There have been times that I have wanted to reach for sweets...but if there are only two or three cookies, I won't even bother. It's not enough. Crazy talk, right??

Here are some mini breakfast (or lunch if I'm so inclined) quiches made from yellow squash zoodles, eggs, and leftover chicken sausage. I baked them in the oven and sprinkled a scant amount of cheese just a few minutes before I pulled them out:

Anything in a cupcake liner = winning

I have a huge sweet tooth. One of the keys to setting myself up for success is having a dessert that I can enjoy. If I feel for a second like I am being deprived, then it's all over. Staying on top of my blood sugar and ahead of my cravings is one of the things that has worked the best in establishing healthy eating habits. I have a recipe for almond bread that is typically made in a loaf pan, but I prefer them in muffin cups. I modified the recipe by adding a date rolled in unsweetened coconut. My teenagers like to call this recipe my 'prison bread'. We have clearly watched too much OITNB. 

These satisfy a sweet tooth. Also, see caption above.

It's hard to tell from this photo -- or maybe it's not -- that the planters in our front yard are old drumheads. My husband dug up our lawn several months ago and created a drought-resistant garden out of old up-cycled drum kits. The garden has really starting to filling out as the plants have begun maturing, and our yard has become a mecca for pollinators: bees, butterflies, hummingbirds, including evening marauders (what did that funny meme with the crazy names for animals call raccoons...trash pandas??) . It is the most unique garden I have ever seen, and we're thrilled with the results! Three cheers for Mr. Doll 🌱

Drums and plumeria

Halloween is probably my favorite holiday. It's not that I go for super scary stuff -- or maybe I do, just a little -- but I love decorating the house and the change of season into cooler weather. Sadly, we will be out of town on Halloween and I won't get to pass out candy. I decided it was pointless to decorate the yard for all those trick-or-treaters we won't be passing candy out to...so I picked out this warty gourd as my consolation prize for missing All Hallows' eve.

My pumpkin has a STD

The last picture is obviously one I didn't take, but a failed gif of Maya Rudolph that I tried to insert into my last blog post. I'm including it in my Weekend Snapshots post because she is that awesome.

Hi Maya!

Thank you to Erin at Her Heartland Soul for hosting a link up. Do you carve pumpkins? When was the last time you visited a pumpkin patch?

TOL #2 Glamorous Life of Running

Hosted by Amanda at Running With Spoons, Thinking Out Loud is a weekly celebration of quirks and randomness! An opportunity to take the pressure and stress out of writing by sharing whatever it is that happens to pop into your mind when you begin to type. A collection of random and disjoined thoughts, just because. Here's mine:

 Dude. Just to get things rolling...and so you know who you're dealing with and where I'm coming from, there is nothing truer than this:

The first comment cracks me up?!

Unglamorous. Running is the farthest thing from being glamorous, despite the contrary title of my post. One of the reasons I like running is because there is no expensive gym membership or skill set required to become a runner.  

This week I tried getting out for a run with 'just the essentials'. I'm sure this list varies from runner to runner, but mine were: running shorts, sports bra, shirt, compression calf sleeves, anklet socks and shoes. Seems basic enough, right? That's what I thought until my monkey mind started in:

'You better bring some Glide...don't want to chafe...'

'It's 80 degrees and you're already dehydrated. You should grab some coconut water.'

'The dogs need to get out. You should bring them, too. And their leashes, water and bowl...some poop bags...'

I swear that I go through these mental gymnastics over any decision I make, but particularly moreso with running. I feel like if I'm better prepared for any possible scenario, then I'm that much more likely to have an optimum experience. Going for a run with 'just the essentials' was an exercise (if you'll excuse the pun) in letting some of that go. I didn't even bring my phone, which is a huge win in that regard. Since I had errands afterward and the heat was a factor, I left the dogs at home and settled for two out of the three. 

By the end of my run, I was a sweaty mess. I had disgusting gooey strings of saliva on my lips (seriously, what gives with that??), dirt and sunscreen in the creases of my inner arm, and despite the liberal application of Glide, I chafed anyway. ALL THE GLAMOUR. 

All that glamour. All of it.

Food finds. I do most of my shopping at Trader Joe's. Their produce isn't that great, so I usually pick up fresh fruits and veggies during the week. Last week I discovered their dried orange slices. Dude! They have a boatload of sugar, but I don't even care because they taste like my childhood. [I legit went to grade school with a girl named Krishna. Her mom was a beautiful hippy, and she made us candied orange peels almost every time I came over to their tiny house trailer.]    

Look at those shimmery crystals of sugar.
I'm in nostalgia nirvana.

My second find was their sweet pickled jalapenos. The peppers are brined in a sugar and vinegar solution, and I seriously can't get enough of them. TJs has a reputation for suddenly discontinuing items without notice, so I may or may not have bought three jars the last time I was at the store, like some sort of crazy jalapeno hoarder. They're incredible on sandwiches and they were prominently featured last night in a layered taco salad. I'm going to try them on pizza next.

Hello beautiful! The sweetness masks some of the heat
creating a match made in culinary heaven.

Yes please. 

I'll end my post with a small tangent: the BlogGo app totally blows. I typed this post yesterday on my phone through the app, and it lost two-thirds of what I wrote. This is where I'd insert both the streaming tears and angry face emoji...but since I'm not on my phone, I'm severely limited to a colon and parenthesis :(

Do you like spicy food? What are some new food finds you're stoked about?

TOL #1 Snapchat vs Instagram

In an effort to write more frequently, I came across this prompt from blogger Amanda at Running With Spoons. The concept of getting thoughts down isn't a new one but, after reading her post, the notion resonated with me. 

For my first go, it's hardly deep and has already been hashed out to death...but it's been on my mind:

Snapchat. 

I had an account several years ago when it was a newish app, but I felt scummy about it; I read an article that the original intent of the platform was to send nude and lewd photos that supposedly 'disappeared' after the recipient opened them. I was disturbed by this since once a photo is out on the Internet, it's there forever. More recently, I heard a story on NPR about how young girls are bombarded with requests for 'noodz' from male classmates. As a parent of a teenage daughter, this is enormously disturbing. 

While I'm sure a fair amount of that still takes place among consenting adults, it has evolve. It's a medium where I can have a quick interaction with my kids or catch a glimpse of a day in the life of musicians, actors or my fellow social media acquaintances. I freaking love Snapchat. 

It's become my favorite social media platform because it's all the fun with none of the drama (I'm looking at you, Facebook). And the other social media sites (who will remain nameless but the first letter starts with Instagram) keep updating their app to the point where it's killed the fun. 

I feel a rant coming on...

WTH, Instagram?? First, the site is ruined by a ridiculous algorithm: instead if chronological posts, accounts appear in your feed based on what it 'thinks' you want to see. If that wasn't bad enough, IG created a Snapchat-style 'story' within the platform. Unless it has to do with animals or someone whose content I'm very interested in seeing, it's pretty ridiculous...especially when it comes to oversharers. Anything beyond 5 stories within one account is excessive and I'm skipping past it entirely. The final straw was changing to a GINORMOUS FONT with ads that 'stick' and don't let you easily scroll past. #lamesauce

Besides, who can compete with those filters and stickers? 

What is your favorite social media platform? If you like Instagram, what do you think of the changes?

Roundup of Random

Thursdays are my Fridays, which means that today is the start of my weekend. On alternate Fridays, I serve lunch at the high school. Yeah, I still help out at my kids' schools, but they tell me they don't mind...and it makes me feel good to volunteer. The teachers and staff are hugely appreciative. 

However, today is my alternate alternate Friday -- and somehow I have no appointments on my calendar. Don't get me wrong, I have TONS of stuff to do after the hustle of Teen Star (recap to come) and house guests.  And, of course, there is always the FASFA deadline looming in a few days. 

In an effort to post more frequently, I decided to write a feature of random stuff from my week. Look for it each Friday, mmmk? It seems fitting to start off my new column with this:

I bought a frog. It just doesn't get more random than that.

Dude isn't down for being handled too much, so I'll share a photo of what their legs look like (photo credit littlefishcompany.com):

Red-legged Frog

One of the most unusual things about this guy (or gal) is that the pupils are vertical. I suppose 'unusual' isn't the right word, it's more like 'classic'; like the eye of any drawing you would see of a reptile. I don't know why that struck me as surprising...but there you go. 

I didn't know their pupils dilated. It was a little unnerving the first time I saw it, even though it makes perfect sense since frogs are nocturnal and shit. Of course, all I could think of was this:

Death by cute: this slays me every time. It is also one
of the best things Antonio Banderas has ever done IMHO

What is unusual is their croak. Mr. Frog sounded off one night and we were all instantly on our feet trying to determine what was making that high-pitched sound. It was shrill and not unlike scratching on glass. What the hell?! Since when did frogs stop going, 'Ribbit! Ribbit!'?? 

******************

My second bit of random was that I did my first-ever meal prep, tiny as it was. I follow many fitness-minded folks like myself on Instagram, and several of them have shared photos of a week's worth of food which are often assembled in a collage with Benjamin Franklin's quote, 'If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.' 

All of that makes me stabby, even if it's true. While I was preparing dry ingredients to make Rebecca's Wild Strawberry Pancakes, I realized it would be easy enough to just keep scooping - so I did! I made three more batches until I ran out of buckwheat flour. All I need to do is add wet ingredients to make yummy pancakes. I'm planning on bringing a few batches with us on vacation, if they're not confiscated as contraband:

Strawberry pancakes? YES.

Somehow my pancakes don't quite look like Rebecca's pancakes: her pancakes are pretty, pink-hued and fluffy. Mine? Not even close. When I cooked them in the pan -- even with TONS of coconut oil, they stuck terribly -- my pancakes may or may not resemble the photo of a certain frog I just posted:

Things were going along fine until shortly after
this photo was taken., and then the wheels fell off.

The finished product wasn't pretty...but I had no problem huffing them down. Here's a my version of Rebecca's recpipe: 

My pancakes: Not the ideal food
photograph...but still hella delicious.

And just for the sake of comparison, here are Rebecca's pancakes:

Rebecca's Wild Strawberry Pancakes with
strawberry protein 'frosting'. (Photo
credit strengthandsunshine.com)

My first few attempts at this recipe have looked nothing like the above photograph...but I am equal to the task. My plan of attack next time is 1) less heat, 2) use canola spray before adding coconut oil, and 3) not to care as much.

Have you tried recipes from the internet before? If so, how did it come out? Also, I am open to name suggestions for Mr. Frog. 

Have a great weekend!