Best Decision I Ever Made

"Are you sure you want to do that?" That's what my dad said when I told him I was engaged.

Great marriage material. That's what my heart said when I went out with Mr Doll on our first date.

And this thought was not in the context of gold digging or anything: I had an epiphany that if the jerks weren't working out, maybe it was time to be in a relationship with someone who was kind and adored me. 

I was 19-years old when I met my husband. We moved in together after 6 months of dating and married shortly after my 22nd birthday.

We celebrated 23 years of marriage last August.

Confusion

Our older girl dog is around 14, and although I'd heard of dementia in animals before - this was the first time I've witnessed it first-hand.

The dogs had kind of piled up in the entry way and she got pointed in the wrong direction under our glass table. The wrought iron has a decorative scroll which was touching her left shoulder and because of this sensory feedback, she thought she was trapped.

She absolutely could not figure it out. I could practically hear her thinking, "WTF? WTF?" It was so sweet and so sad all at the same time...

Where Are You?

I'm in Girl Doll's room, using her laptop. Each wall is a different color: green, pink, blue and yellow. I am currently facing the green wall.

Girl Doll is a freak for all things office-supply related; a genetic disposition that can be traced back to me. Highlighters, gel markers, calligraphy pens, colored pencils, millions of post-it pads, white-out, erasers and dry erase markers. It's a little like Office Max threw up on her desk and a lot like heaven.

There is a photo of her and her boyfriend from homecoming last year - yeah, I know...fml - and the dried corsages from both of the dances he took her to.

There are several textbooks:  Biology, Algebra 2, !Buen viaje!, Modern World History. Also, her journal is here. Which I have never read. Where are you?

Credit Where Credit is Due

One of my very first memories that I can recall was when I was about three-years old and coming home with my mom to find our back door off it's hinges. It was the first clue that we'd been robbed. Since we couldn't afford to replace the TV, we went without one for a long time. It wasn't replaced until her boyfriend moved in with us several years later, and so did his television. Although I loved TV, the combination of being without for so long and not having siblings made me resourceful and creative. One of the things that I did to fill my time was to read. A lot.

I read cookbooks while waiting for dinner. My best friend and I read books about horses: Blaze, Misty of Chincoteague, and The Black Stallion series. We read comic books - Richie Rich and Archie were our favorites. We evolved into pre-teen, reading all of Judy Blume and Paula Danziger's stories. We read every Stephen King novel, although I preferred his feel-good short stories as opposed to his suspense/horror books. I read lots of classics. My two favorites were/are To Kill A Mockingbird and My Friend Flicka.

Over several years in high school, I had a fantastic English teacher. When I was a sophomore, he assigned a project to write a short description of a school locker. It was a lesson in detail, and his advice was to work on it until 'each word fit perfectly'. I remembered including graffiti inside the locker door that read, 'Jimi lives!'  Van Halen seemed like a more natural choice since I was such a fan, but I 'saw' Jimi.  I felt that somehow it  made my description more authentic. Although I had an appreciation for Jimi Hendrix, he wasn't a favorite musician of mine. It was like a compromise: I visualized this fictional locker and reported what I saw - unbiased, in my mind.

When the assignments were turned in, my teacher read the description I handed in without telling the class it was mine. After he finished reading it, one of the guys remarked, "Someone in this class wrote that?" The teacher acknowledged it was my paper and the whole class turned to look at me. I was already crimson from the reading and completely embarrassed. I was also thrilled. Writing that description had been intensely satisfying, and then to hear a classmate's remarks blew me away.

Being an avid reader is one of the best  prerequisites for writing that I can think of. About 20 years ago, I saw my former English teacher and said hello. I told him how much his classes had meant to me, and although I am fairly certain he didn't remember me - it was still enough.

Thanks, Mr. M!

Name Game

Mostly people will say, "What a pretty name!" when they meet me because my first name is unusual. It's also pronounced differently than it's spelled, so there is an issue virtually every time someone reads my name aloud.

I've had a man argue with me that I'm pronouncing my own name wrong. It's my name. I know how it's pronounced. If you really have an issue, take it up with my mother.

If I introduce myself to people, then I'll generally have to repeat the correct pronunciation because they'll either shorten it, or have heard it as Maria or Brianna or a more common-sounding version of my name.

It's an issue for me. I won't even go into the intense teasing I endured in school. Based on my experience, I cringe when someone names their children something that is difficult to pronounce or spelled exotically because it has been such a hassle. My daughter's name is uncommon, but I'll be damned if it's not easy to read or pronounce.

Same As It Ever Was

When I was in high school, I was invited to participate in a peer development program called The Media Project. We were a group of kids from different backgrounds and ages who wrote, directed and helped produce our own scripts about the day in the life of a teenager and the pressures that kids face. Think The Breakfast Club - but on a shoe-string budget.

We also included footage of us sitting around in a group, talking about our lives. It was reality TV...before there was reality TV. The show earned local awards and national attention; I was featured in a segment on Good Morning America (is that even a show anymore?!). It aired on the local access channel, and was so well received from the community that the producers received funding to run the project a second year. The second installment was much different. Instead of writing scenes, it featured lots of group dialogue where we talked candidly and included a spotlight on several kids, including me. I talked about my recovery from drug and alcohol abuse.

One of the adults involved in the program was friends with David Bryne of the Talking Heads. He agreed to be interviewed by two people about his experiences as a teenager and a young adult. Since I had been involved for the entire two years, I was voted to be one of the the interviewers. I was very honored to be chosen; the Talking Heads song This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) is one of my favorite songs written and I loved his quirky movie, Stop Making Sense. We spent a full day in Los Angeles for the interview. David had invited us to his home and we conducted the interview on the outdoor patio of his house. My impression was that David didn't spend much time there. Other than having a sound studio set up in one of the bedrooms, he had very little furniture or personal possessions at his house.

If you've seen videos of David Bryne and wondered if his twitchy persona was just part of an act, I can tell you with certainty that it is not. He is, in a word, bizarre.  During the taping, David would suddenly lurch forward and the camera man would momentarily lose him in the shot. The interview was so painfully awkward that that aside from an intro to our video, we were unable to use any of the footage. But he was incredibly gracious and kind; I had stupidly stubbed my big toe while I was there and it bled profusely. He was very concerned and had asked if I needed anything - band-aids or some hydrogen peroxide?

David signed several autographs for the crew but I was too shy to ask for one. I ended up receiving one anyway and it's carefully tucked into one of my photo albums. I wish I had a link to a copy of the video to share on my blog, but I find nothing when I do an internet search. Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Dear Little One

Dear Little One,

First, let me introduce myself. My name is Babydoll and I have the good fortune to be your Mom’s sponsor. It is an honor to be in your mom’s life in this way and my own life is better for it.

Almost 8 years ago, my own children were asked to be in your parent’s wedding. My son was three and my daughter was seven. You will see pictures of them in the wedding album. It was a fun day! Your mom was so beautiful in her dress and her smile lit up the room.

You have hit the parenting jackpot, Little One! Your dad has much love and wisdom to share with you. I still use his expression frequently, “You can’t stay full on yesterday’s hamburger.” This means it is important to always strive to be the best you can - not just on paper or in the past, but every day. Also, your dad has a big passion for music that is combined with a rare talent. For a musician, these two things are one of life’s rarest blessings; many people have love for music and lots of people have talent but not many people have both. To be a good musician requires patience, much time spent practicing and the natural ability to hear what many others don’t. For the child of such a parent, your life will be filled with music. See what I mean about jackpot?! Be sure to take every advantage of this.

I adore your mom, little one. She is one of the most beautiful women I know - literally. Someone told me once that hair is inherited from the mother’s side of the family. I don’t know if this is true, but if it is - jackpot, baby! Rapunzel is envious of your mom’s voluminous tresses. I know I certainly am! Your mom is tenacious. This is especially helpful when you reach grade school and begin studying the missions in 4th grade. It’s always good to have an expert researcher in the family! Your mom is also funny, loving and very loyal. These are all very important in life – you will go far with any one of these traits, but the trifecta is what will set you apart from all the rest.

As for my special message to you, I can only say what others that have gone before me have said:


Be kind. This seems like a no-brainer and there are many people in this world that are easy to be kind to. However, there are a few people that will challenge this creed and you will find them in your lifetime. Remember this rule, however, and it will make those people easier to deal with.

Your Parents Aren't Idiots - There are many golden years where your parents have all the answers. Then there are several years where you wonder how they got through life at all. Hang in there until you reach the time in your life when you realize their humanness and they only want what’s best for you.

Trust God, Clean House and Help Others – This is less a religious sentiment and more of a spiritual statement. Have faith in the bigger picture; that life is a balance of people doing the best that they can. Work hard on your own side of the street and the things that make you a better person and then take that energy and help other people. This is the recipe for a happy life.

Listen to AC/DC – Okay, so maybe this last one is more for me. It has little to do with good moral character, but I can assure you that 80’s hair metal has lots to offer.
I can’t wait to meet you, Little One. Keep going and growing until we meet up.